February 2023

...and trusting that some heavy layers of life will melt

Hi friend,

This morning, I shuffled around in our ice-covered backyard with both of our kiddos. Like much of Texas, Waco is covered in a blanket of ice after a few days of sleet and some misty mess.

“Mom! Look!”, both kids shouted as they pointed to the thick layer of ice wrapped around each branch. “See how thick the ice is?! Wow!! It looks like the branch is falling over!”

I explained the weight of the ice on the branch, which was an everyday winter sight in upstate NY, but is far less common in central TX. I marveled at the way the ice wrapped around every inch of the branches and several bright green leaves that otherwise looked healthy under a thick layer of ice. I noticed the slooow drip of water in a couple of areas, and then felt a deep inner nudge…

Oh my gosh… This matches what so many of us are and have been experiencing… carrying the extra weight of pain, fear, trauma (little t and big T) for so long, all to varying degrees of thickness… and to varying rates of melting and thawing out… sometimes only to freeze again with a new (possibly thicker, or maybe thinner) layer of ice.

Early in January, I noticed a lot of hope from folks that felt different from previous years. It was tender, vulnerable, and honest — genuinely looking forward to the good that 2023 held — while grounded in the reality that we’ve navigated and carried so much over the last few years.

And now, I’m reading posts about January being the longest “year” in recent memory. I’m hearing from mental health care providers that they’re really surprised by the exhaustion and ongoing happenings within their clients’ lives — markedly more than previous years’ January sessions. I’m hearing from educators that the holiday break didn’t feel like much of a break at all, and they’re tired — a different kind of tired than last year. Even personally, I’ve noticed an ebb and flow of energy: feeling renewed energy in some moments, and in other moments, feeling like we’re in late 2020 or early 2021.

Rain/sleet, freeze, ice builds up, defrost a bit, then temperatures drop, environment changes, more ice builds up, more rain, more defrosting, and on it goes…

Walking around my icy backyard this morning helped me to see this experience with a freshness that ultimately allowed me to relax my muscles a bit, refill my soul’s cup with the warmth of grace, and tune in to my heart whispering, yes, yes yes…

Many of us are thawing from holding a heaviness that’s invisible from some perspectives, but very obvious when we look at them from other angles or in a certain light.

Many of us are tired from our soul’s branches being bent over by the weight of things impacting us beyond our control, and not being able to set it down.

Many of us are mindful of wintering seasons — hibernating, reducing production, turning energy toward recovery, and carrying things we didn’t ask for —
and we still hope and trust that the thaw Spring offers will come.

Dear friend, may we honor and recognize this rhythm.

May we see the layers of “ice” — these layers of the human condition — that we and others carry beyond our control.

And may receiving the gift of grace begin the process of thawing, trusting it will melt away that which we have carried for far too long.

***

…Just as I finish this the grey skies are growing a bit lighter… the icicles from my roof are dripping faster… the sun is beginning to help lighten the load off of the branches, and the branches allow the ice to melt…

May it be so.

Spirituality + Mental Health

Each month, you’ll find miscellaneous resources here on the intersection of spirituality + mental health that I’ve recently been reminded of or come across! Most are general resources, but I’ll add some research-focused ones every now and then.

US Religious Leaders' Views on the Etiology and Treatment of Depression
This fascinating new research by Holleman & Chaves (published in JAMA in January 2023) looked at data from the National Survey of Religious Leaders (Feb ‘19-June ‘20) and reported these 890 religious leaders’ “views about causes of depression (chemical imbalance, genetic problem, traumatic experience, demon possession, lack of social support, lack of faith, and stressful circumstances) and appropriate treatments (seeing a mental health professional, taking prescribed medication, and addressing the situation through religious activity).” The team found “the vast majority of clergy embrace a medical understanding of depression's etiology and treatment. When clergy employ a religious understanding, it most commonly supplements rather than replaces a medical view, although a nontrivial minority endorse only religious interpretations. This should encourage greater collaboration between medical professionals and clergy in addressing mental health needs.”

Spiritual First Aid’s Trauma-Informed Church Action Plan
From the website: Trauma is all around us, but it can be difficult to recognize, and even more challenging to know how to take action. Download this free tool to create an action plan and start the journey to becoming a trauma-informed church.

WebMD’s How Spirituality Affects Mental Health
I recently stumbled upon this page and was delighted to see some of the nuance noted in here, as well as the acknowledgement that “It can be extremely helpful to include spirituality in the treatment of mental health difficulties” and some nudges to bring up this topic: “If your doctor is treating you for a mental illness, consider telling them about your spiritual beliefs… Remember to tell your doctor if your spiritual beliefs affect your health care decisions.” (My hope is always to continue seeing health and mental health care providers receive training in this area. For more info on what some colleagues and I are doing, visit spiritualandreligiouscompetenciesproject.com - thank you to the John Templeton Foundation for their support of this work!)

Upcoming Events

The following are some upcoming events in which I’ll be presenting and invite you to attend! Descriptions are from the event websites, if available.

Baylor’s Garland School of Social Work - Meet the Author: The Soul of the Helper: A Conversation with Author Dr. Holly Oxhandler — Feb 24 (Waco, TX)
This event is free, lunch will be provided, and CEUs are available. Please see the registration link for more information.

Podcasts

CXMH

After a much-needed pause in Fall 2022 to deeply rest after 6 seasons, CXMH is *back*! Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, follow on social media (@cxmhpodcast), and share episodes you find to be helpful!

We're Back! // Welcome to Season 7 (cohosts only!)
159 - Creativity, Faith, & Mental Health (feat. Stephen Roach)

👉REMINDER- Submit your questions here for The Soul of the Helper Q&A episode!

Other podcasts

In addition to hosting CXMH, I’ve been honored by some recent opportunities to be a guest on others’ shows. Thank you to these hosts for their invitation and the good work they’re doing!

Faith & Social Work - Podcast with Second Baptist Church Downtown (Little Rock, AR)

A Couple of Books for Your Journey

All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks

Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto by Tricia Hersey

The Joy of Letting Go: How One Thing Has the Power to Change Everything by Kevin Sweeney

The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
One of the things I love about reading children’s books to my kids is that the lesson or reminder held within the pages is as much for me as it is for them. The Rabbit Listened is absolutely one of those kind of books. 🐰

Want MORE book recommendations? Check out my bookshop page!
(I get a tiny portion of purchases made through that link, but feel free to buy the book wherever you prefer. I mostly prefer the layout for recommending books to others!)

What I’m Listening To These Days

Pure Calm - Apple Music — I usually like to link Spotify because it’s more accessible, but for those of you on Apple Music, I sure do love this Pure Calm playlist these days.

I have so many tender memories singing along to this song with my mom when I was a kid, especially during some really difficult years.

“All I know is love will save the day…”

♥️

This one almost *always* puts me in a good mood, even on icy days. Turn it on and try to not sway, dance, or hum along!

🤔 I’m curious — do y’all listen to Apple Music more or Spotify? Let me know below!

Benediction

As we move through the gift of this unpromised month…

May we trust that, like the heavy layers of ice on a tree, what we’re carrying as we go about our days will eventually melt. (Yes, even if we later find ourselves unexpectedly carrying more ice due to future storms beyond our control.)

May we remember that we’ve already let go of so much over the course of our lives, stirring hope that we will be able to set down more pain, hurt, trauma, and/or grief as each day passes.

May we honor what our minds, bodies, hearts, and souls need, mindful of how far bent over they’re feeling from the layers of life we carry … as well as their evidence of our inner strength, flexibility, and resilience.

May we extend compassion toward others following this tender compassion toward ourselves, recognizing that others carry layers of life that may be heavy, even if those heavy layers are invisible or hard to see.

And finally, may we discern what is ours to do in this season, taking it all one day at a time and one moment at a time to the very best of our humble, human ability.

Be well, friends. Breathe deep and remember how truly loved you are as you are in this moment.

Kindly,
Holly

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